Break in the Gloom

The worst part of a seemingly never-ending flare is that it starts feeling like a new sub-normal. You almost forget what it’s like to feel halfway decent, but remember just enough to make you doubly miserable about your new low. It is during those times that all I wish for is a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. If I only knew that the light existed, that the tunnel had an end, the darkness would be so much more bearable!

Luckily, I was able to get just such a glimpse recently.

80_drawn-into-the-light
Drawn into the Light (7X14, oil on canvas)

For the second time this summer, I went up on my medication to combat the high pain and fatigue levels. Hopes were low this would help. But lo and behold, I noticed a definite improvement in my fatigue levels and less pain/stiffness overall! I was also waking up more days feeling a bit more refreshed than I was before.

That was relieving, but it all really came to a head last weekend.  Last Saturday, to my own surprise, I was able to drive out to a luncheon with a friend, do some grocery shopping and drive us back; and then be able to sweep one room in the house and paint the Sunday after!!

I realize this may not sound like much to a “normal” person, but this was more activity than what I could spend my weekends doing in over a month! I used to be so completely worn out from the work-week, that all I could do over the weekend was stay collapsed and try to recharge for the coming week. Besides, grocery shopping and housework are some of the most flare-inducing activities for me, given the repeated bending/stooping they require. So being able to do all of those things in one weekend – hell, I almost felt normal normal again!

The best part of this was the magical effect it had on my mood! I knew that kind of a high cannot last (and it didn’t – last couple of days have been pretty low again), but even in the current return of the darkness, I do not feel nearly as hopeless as I was before. I was able to catch a little break, a small breather, in the middle of getting my ass kicked by fibromyalgia. And now I feel like I have returned from the edge of doom. I have a renewed sense of vigor to fight this brute, and not feel like I am sinking into oblivion.

I know now that the light exists at the end of the tunnel. Though I may never see it for long, it casts enough of a glow so that the tunnel is now dimly lit. And that is enough for me for the moment.

Love,

Fibronacci

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22 thoughts on “Break in the Gloom

  1. Oh I am so glad you had a little reprieve! Those little breathers in between a long flare always remind me that flares are temporary. That thought process is hard for me to focus on when I am deep in it, but when I can, it is a life saver. And this painting is gorgeous! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Rene!! ❤ Yeah, the last flare was starting to seem like that's my life forever. So I was really ecstatic when I realized that it really is a flare, and not a new sub-normal! I was starting to lose my mind there for a while, so yes, this little breather was a life-saver indeed. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful painting! Many of your paintings are absolutely fabulous, do you have a separate blog for just the paintings? Like a tumblr or WP art blog? I am going to buy one of your works soon I think! Amazing!

    So glad that you are feeling better! Can I ask what meds do you use? And which ones do you find have worked the best for you?

    Have a great week 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much – for your kind wishes and the sweet compliments about my painting! 🙂 I do have an art page at Facebook. I will send you the link to that in a private message. I would be thrilled for you to have one of my works!!

      At the moment I am on 300 mg Lyrica (Pregabalin) and 40 mg Baclofen. I used to take 225 mg Lyrica and 20 mg Baclofen until recently when I went up on both. I have found both to be helpful with the pain, stiffness and fatigue. They also reduced how many migraines and tension headaches I now get. Before these I tried Gabapentin and Flexeril. Gabapentin worked for a while, but then the side-effects got the better of me. And I did not react to Flexeril well at all. That’s when I switched to Lyrica and Baclofen. They have helped me a lot, in combination with Tramadol, exercise, meditation, etc., to manage the condition.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I really *really* hope so too, Emily! ❤ It's the hopelessness, the resignation, that what we thought was a flare might be the new sub-normal, that really sucks I think. So I am happy that my post triggered some hope in your heart. 🙂 Sending lots of love and gentle hugs your way!

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  3. I love your painting, can I see more? xox 🙂

    Living with chronic pain isn’t easy, I know, I’m glad you had lower pain levels for a while. I’m persistently exhausted at the moment, almost ‘out of it’ – I know it’s not the meds or physical pain…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! 🙂 Woohoo, so excited you’d like to see more!! Here’s the link to my FB painting page: https://www.facebook.com/RunaBakshiArtist/ – hope you enjoy!

      I am so sorry that you are feeling out of it these days. I know only too well what that feels like. I keep going through phases of that as well, usually during times of high stress or when I have overstretched myself. 😦 I hope you can spend a little extra time resting to help recoup your strength and energy. Sending lots of love and gentle hugs your way! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you so much!! I would like for my style to be more classically impressionist. At the moment, it is more a take on it, probably aligns closer with the post-impressionists. And I love colors! I’d like to experiment more with those.
      So glad you enjoyed the paintings! 🙂 ❤ Please let me know if you might be interested in any of them.

      Liked by 1 person

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